Little Bully Girls

Studies show that not all little girls are sweet and innocent creatures and that the bullying problems start in elementary school, according to Michelle Anthony, developmental Psychologist and co-author of the book “Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades“. She and the co-author, Reyna Lindert released a very good technique for parents. They advise them to study the social environment of the child, connect with him and guide the child’s actions. Anthony says that her interest in this problem came out of her motherhood, being the mother of young girls.

Here’s what she says: “My eldest daughter, when she was 6, was enmeshed in a two-year-long struggle with a friend. For the first year, I didn’t even know about it, because she felt so alone and isolated that she didn’t talk about it with anyone. She tried to get help from her teacher, who sort of told her to thicken her skin over it. She took that to heart as being her problem and really was silent for a while. Then it became apparent as it began influencing her life more and more.” As for the daughter of Lindert, she’s in fifth grade and it seems like she was banished from her group of friends in the middle of the year and had to start getting new friends in no time. So after becoming aware, as mothers, of the problem, the two scientists started working with other parents and children.
They says that it is a mistake to think that bullying only starts as the kid gets older, like in middle school or high school. They say that the facts show that this starts in elementary school. And even in kindergarten girls have to face difficult social challenges, without knowing how to handle them best.
More over, Anthony says this is a very common behavior among children: “Oh, I think it’s extremely common. I don’t think there’s a single school in this country where a good portion of girls aren’t dealing with friendship struggles and various degrees of social cruelty. I think what’s more uncommon is to have a language to talk about it. So many girls are facing these struggles alone.” So sometimes the parents think: “She’ll be nicer tomorrow,” “Just find another friend,” or “Don’t play with someone who’s mean.” This is a problem because it isolates the girls telling them, in the words of Mrs. Anthony: “This is your problem to figure out by yourself.”
But more over, it looks like this is a more common situation for girls as Anthony says: “I think what we’re talking about here, in terms of social cruelty and relational aggression, is more common among girls. Which is not to say that it doesn’t happen with boys. But if you had to stereotype, girls more often use social power to have influence over their peers, and boys more often use physical intimidation to have power over their peers.” So as we might think that a physical bully from a boy might be more severe, the psychological bullying he girls are doing it’s much more intense and lasts longer, involving many people. It can be devastating for these girls.
But not all children speak with their parents about this. Only some of them and that, if it gets bad enough. Girls usually don’t say: “I have this big problem,” but there are some changes in their behavior. Just don’t like the same things they used to, or they complain about having some headaches or that they don’t like some classes. Also, it’s much more common to hear: “She was mean” than “My friend and I got in a fight.”
It also helps if you have the help of the school’s representatives, like the teachers, guidance counselors, the principals, or other social workers. Because these people are there to help the child. “To face it alone doesn’t make any sense. For parents, to reach out to get more knowledge and more support is so beneficial to their child. This isn’t about tattling on some other child and saying, “This kid is mean.” It’s really about understanding the situation that your child is in.”, Anthony says.
But you shouldn’t change schools unless is really, really bad. You can even try to move the children to separate classes.
Another problem with this generation is the Internet. Because in the past, the sphere of influence was not very big, but now all the technology, the networking websites, everything makes the problems so much bigger, as many people are involved. So what happens now lasts forever.
This behavior does tent to become better in high school, as the friendships are getting stronger, because they learn how to deal with each other and what are the real roots of friendship.